How to deal with my kid’s sepanx when we drop off at school

Is my kid just acting out? Or is it something serious?

It’s already mid-July. By now your kid (or maybe your little sister or brother) has been going to school for about a month. But why do they still cry when they get dropped off at school? Is there a bully? Do they just miss Mommy?

We talked to Dr. Aizah Tana, child psychiatrist, to ask how we can deal with Baby’s separation anxiety every morning. 

First of all, why does my kid cry when I drop him off at school?

Crying when a child is dropped off at school is common among preschool and early grade school children. It’s commonly caused by anxiety. Some children are anxious about being separated from the primary caregiver, usually the mother. Also they are anxious about the uncertainty of what to expect in school. This is especially true for first-time students.

What can I do to make drop-off easier for my child (and me!)?

This is a common occurrence during the first few weeks of school. The following might help:

1. Give the child time to explore the new school, so they can be familiar with the environment and the teachers. 

2. The school sometimes allows the parents to drop off their children in the classroom during the first week, then only outside the school gate on the second week. 

3. You can brief your child about the school rules, so that they will know what to expect. 

4. Gentle prodding and a lot of encouragement would help. It is important to ask them why they cry. One of the things that my daughter told me was that she was afraid that something bad might happen to me and I wouldn’t be able to pick her up. It helps to reassure your child that you or other guardians will be there, waiting, upon dismissal.

The teacher says my kid loves school and enjoys class naman. So why is drop-off so difficult?

The fact that your child enjoys school means that you just have to hurdle the drop-off. A positive school experience can also help the child cope. Remind her of the fun activities in school, or how kind her teachers are, to lessen the anxiety of going to school.

How do I know if it’s a more serious problem? And if it is, what can I do?

If the crying persists for several months, if there is refusal to go to school, or if the child would complain of aches (like tummy aches or headaches) prior to going to school, aches that go away when they stay home, these are what we call redflags. So you might want to check if there are negative experiences in school, like fear of the teacher or an experience of bullying, that would cause this reaction. It is important to ask your child everyday about her day, and to teach them what to do in case someone  scares or bullies them.

If the issues in school are resolved and the child still shows symptoms of anxiety that affect school attendance, like refusal to go to school, excessive crying or tantrums, irritability, that’s when we advise consulting a specialist, like a child psychologist or psychiatrist.

Is there a little kid in your family who doesn’t want to go to school? What do you do to make them feel better? Tell us in the comments!